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BMD moms share their devastating pregnancy loss experiences — part 2

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Everyone’s experience of pregnancy loss (miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancies and stillbirth) is unique to them. But sometimes reading someone else’s story can strike a chord and help you feel less alone. Pregnancy loss (especially miscarriages) happens, more often than you might think. Anywhere between 15-25% of recognized pregnancies end in pregnancy loss: that is one in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage every single year.

For anyone who has experienced it, pregnancy loss can be the most painful (physically and emotionally) and traumatic experience ever, but no matter how traumatic the experience is, it always helps to know that you are not alone and that the pains you feel now will not be there forever.

We’ve asked moms to share their honest experience of pregnancy loss in hopes that it will help someone out there who’s going through it or may go through it. If you have been there and would love to share your story too, kindly send us an email on content@blackmomsdaily.com

Nina:

“Today marks exactly one month that l lost my precious angel to stillbirth. It was my first pregnancy, months went by and my pregnancy progressed perfectly. I attended every doctor’s appointment and eagerly followed the least bit of advice. Not until the night of the 25th of August, l felt chills and was shivering intermittently. I remember it was a cold and rainy day. I thought to myself that it must be the weather. I didn’t worry much given that it wasn’t a fever also l had an appointment with my doctor on the following day. However, l was feeling for the baby’s movement somehow at that point l can’t say l was scared cos l wasn’t expecting anything to go wrong….but then something felt strange.

The next day l rushed to the hospital. On the maternity table the doctor smeared the familiar gel on my stomach and kept probing while making this face that told me something was wrong…l also eagerly began looking in the screen in search of heartbeat behold there was nothing. Hearing the doctor break the ugly news brought my world to a standstill. It was my worst nightmare.

Words can’t express the depth of the pain. Even though l had loving friends and family but nothing anyone said made sense to me. It felt so unfair especially seeing other women walk out of the labour ward with their babies. I cried all the tears in my eyes.

However, in the midst of this grief, l told myself that it was my responsibility to work towards my healing if not l may never be healed because the grief felt endless. I began to search for helpful resources that will help me heal spiritually, emotionally and physically. Its been a month and l can say that l have made remarkable progress.

I just wish to tell every mum going through the same experience that they can be whole again. We just need to envisage our healing and work towards it. There is so much strength that lies within but we need to dig deep in order to find it. Stay strong mummies!😍”

Anonymous writer:

“Have been married almost 5years now with upside down and no child to show for it.. but I had a child before getting married to my husband but with him, we have been unable to have children. We have tried everything we can even his friends began to mock him because whenever any of their girlfriends give birth, he will be the one they will call first by telling him, “my brother, we done born boy, na you we come dey wait for ooo it’s a son.” He congratulates them but within him, he’s not happy about himself but he never stopped loving me but a times we do argue.

A few months ago I decided to hold unto God cried to him and God heard my cry and blessed me with a fruit of the womb. We were happy my husband felt like he won a lottery and said “honey from today, don’t touch anything in this house I will practically do everything.

[READ also: BMD moms share their devastating pregnancy loss experiences — Part 1]

He cleans the house wash the clothes go to supermarkets and helps out in the kitchen because he wants my fingers in the food he does my job at work because we worked in same company and the boss is his friends but if we have night shifts, I will drive him there because we base in Europe where you are not allowed to drive without the European drivers license and he only has a Nigerian license.

He does everything, I mean everything and I kept thanking God for him. Here in the country where we base, the pregnancy first ultrasound is carried out at 13 weeks but I don’t know about other countries (Sorry ) we were all happy plus my first child who really wants a sibling, she was so happy when she heard momma was gonna give her a sibling.

Last week Friday was the ultrasound hubby practically did everything prepared lunch for me, and woke me up about 1 pm because he allows me to sleep as long as I want. So he invited us to the dining to eat and after that, we rushed to hospital with a very big smile on our face happy to see the baby and hear the heartbeat. Other pregnant women were there before us but hubby was so anxious and really want to hear and see the beat and my girl was there also. We entered into the room and the woman asked me to lay down and gave hubby a chair and she asked are ready to see the baby we screamed with joy, yeah!! We all laughed and she started her job. First, second, third, no heartbeat and she asked have you been bleeding the I started shivering and I said no. She said I think I need to phone the doctor. He came and they announced to me we are sorry the baby died already 2 weeks ago😱😱😱 what????? How come? Where? How? When? But nobody could explain to me.

Hubby held the wall cried like a baby. I couldn’t move an inch. I cried and the midwife held me and cried too.  Just couldn’t hold myself, I sat on the floor, all my time wasted, morning sickness and dizziness all in vain. Hubby managed to bring me home. My child cried. Our joy has become a worse nightmare.

We came home and I couldn’t sleep. Hubby asked me to rest and went to work after 6hrs, his heart was heavy and put a message to my pastor he canceled the doctor’s declaration immediately and asked me come to church on Sunday but Sunday morning I had contractions very tiny one and couldn’t leave the house. In the evening the contraction continued like every 10 mins I thought God was turning my story around. It continued till Monday and it became every 5 mins hubby kept praying and believing in God. Some of my church members came with my pastor on Sunday after service and prayed with me. Some dropped money and said, “sister, don’t cry. We have seen your services in the church and how much you love God and work for him and we believe God has seen it too so He will not put you to shame.

While living, some dropped some money and they asked me to use it to buy baby things prophetically, I took the money showed it to the baby and told him/her “here, you gat some gift to show that we all love you“. I spoke to the child in love and in prayer, immediately the contraction turned to every 5mins hubby never gave up he said God is working for good.

I believed and held unto His words. But on Tuesday, the contraction came and never wentaway I cried out, it was as if my womb was gonna pull off. Couldn’t stand straight, hubby held me unto himself and called my pastor also and he came with other white pastors they prayed and prayed but the pain persisted and the white woman and my brother picked their phone and called the ambulance they came under 6mins took the necessary information and the took me to the ambulance and zoomed of they asked the rest of them to come by car.. all hubby could say was “honey do not leave me alone in this world am too young to become a widower.” He was devastated.

The ambulance guy asked them to drive along with us but they will be on speed with the emergency light on. j They asked, do you still have the pains I shouted yes!!! And they asked if we asked you to scale the pain from 1- 10 how heavy will the pain be I said 30 and they increased their ambulance speed. Immediately after 2mins of driving from my house you can see blood popping outta my vaginal and the ambulance guy who sat with me screamed becase he was a student he ran to the front side and shouted she’s bleeding so heavily and they increased their speed more…part of the ambulance were feed with blood it was as if my vaginal tap were opened my pants, my clothes to my breast were filled with blood and rushed me to the emergency an ultrasound was done again and they said the baby is still dead, no miracle happened we just had to flush it out.

I was dying of pain my brother and my husband said no way that baby is alive they asked the doctor to do the ultrasound again and doctor said she’s dying we need to go to the theatre now they held the doctor do it once more for we have waited for this child for the past 5years it can’t go like that and they brought another emergency ultrasound machine… something they saw. They just held my hands and asked God to take control as I was been pushed to the theatre I saw them crying. We went there and they drilled the blood out because my uterus was full of blood.

Surgery was successful with anesthesia and I was taken to the ward but the pain was still there, dizziness started, nausea came. They gave me the most infective pain killer in this country in my muscles close to my knees to stop the pain about 30 tablets of painkillers within 2 days. It was if nothing was done. I had about 15 injections of pain killers but it never helped instead, the pain increased. And they had to do me another ultrasound Tuesday night 24.9.2019 after the surgery and the pain never seized and they found out that 5 inches of the placenta was remaining in my womb and has blocked the uterus so the remaining blood can not come out. So this time we have to do another surgery. hemoglobin was a very low doctor and nurses said you have loosed a lot of blood. They  took me to another surgery to remove the placenta.

After all said and done, I was discharge and I went home without a child. My dream of becoming a mother again became a nightmare but hubby kept thanking God because I came back alive.

I just want you all to lift your voice to God for me for a quick recovery and sorry for the long post just wanted someone who I can pour out my heart, my pain to because I need encouragement. I never knew I was carrying a dead baby in my womb for almost 3 weeks with pregnancy symptoms😢😢😢.

MAY YOUR JOY NEVER TURN TO SORROW IN JESUS NAME.

IN ALL THIS, GOD IS STILL GOD I KNOW IT’S A TEMPTATION TO TURN MY BACK ON HIM BUT I STILL LOVE HIM COS HIS MY FATHER AND HE BROUGHT ME BACK TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING…
HALLELUJAH!”

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