Pregnancy

BMD moms share their devastating pregnancy loss experiences — Part 1

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Everyone’s experience of pregnancy loss (miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancies and stillbirth) is unique to them. But sometimes reading someone else’s story can strike a chord and help you feel less alone. Pregnancy loss (especially miscarriages) happens, more often than you might think. Anywhere between 15-25% of recognized pregnancies end in pregnancy loss: that is one in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage every single year.

For anyone who has experienced it, pregnancy loss can be the most painful (physically and emotionally) and traumatic experience ever, but no matter how traumatic the experience is, it always helps to know that you are not alone and that the pains you feel now will not be there forever.

We’ve asked moms to share their honest experience of pregnancy loss in hopes that it will help someone out there who’s going through it or may go through it. We will be sharing their stories in a series of blog posts (this is the first of such post) and if you have been there and would love to share your story too, kindly send us an email on content@blackmomsdaily.com

Carrita L. Flie, a Chicago based mom and Founder of Raising Little Miracle suffered two miscarriages 

I never thought I’d be part of this statistic. I never thought I’d be 1 in 4. I never thought I’d know what it felt like to experience a miscarriage. Then another miscarriage. Then doctors starting to throw labels around, prescribe medications, lower the chances of me ever giving birth. Gosh! How was this my life?! I was only 25 and I had already given up hope of ever having a child of my own. I had what the doctors called recurring miscarriages (in my second trimester) with no explanation.

One night I was laying in a hospital bed with my heart racing and tears streaming down my face. I knew this was ANOTHER miscarriage. A nurse got really close to me and held my hand. She whispered “your baby has such a strong heartbeat and is so healthy. But the baby is practically outside of the uterus and it’s too early to even try to save”. I was 13 weeks pregnant. I would be going home with an empty womb AGAIN. My first loss was at 14 weeks.

[READ also: “I studied for my final exams in law school while sitting beside my son in NICU” – Carrita Flie’s preemie birth story!]

My heart was shattered. My spirit was completely broken. I felt like such a failure. How was I woman but couldn’t carry a child. It ripped me apart emotionally every time someone announced a pregnancy, had a baby shower, gave birth…anything. It wasn’t until I began to cling to the promises of God and know that He had a plan for everything I was going through that I was able to heal from those losses.

So I want any woman who has experienced loss, struggling with infertility, or feeling the pressure of the world to have a baby to know that you are not a failure! You are not worthless. You are absolutely perfect and I pray that God blesses you with the desires of your heart and gives you the strength to keep going!

Jameika, a Margate Florida based mom suffered 3 miscarriages: 

“It’s the most heartbreaking, disappointing experience a person can ever face. You feel like your body has failed you, God has failed you. You feel useless, you feel like you’re not good enough to become a mother. You try to place the blame on everything and everyone around you. Every time I went to the bathroom I would hold my breath and my heart would stop. I was plagued With spontaneous bleeding.

My first three miscarriages happened while I was living in Jamaica. I was placed in the maternity ward after my miscarriage. With all the mothers and babies. Everyone was asking me where my baby was. I felt worthless. With my last pregnancy, I had to see a therapist weekly because I would have negative thoughts about my pregnancy. I had to try so hard to speak my baby into existence. I feared that all that had happened to me in the past would happen again.

[READ also: This mom’s testimony of how she became a mom after 3 miscarriages is all shades of inspiring]

My encouraging words to everyone going through a miscarriage is this, cry your heart out, mourn your loss, take time to heal. Pick up the pieces, gather your faith and try again❤️

Kiki, suffered the painful experience, 4 good times:

“Hi my name is Kiki and I would like to tell you my story. I hope this encourages any woman that has gone through what I’ve gone through to keep going!

I was 19 years old madly in love with my first love we were together a year before I found out I was pregnant. I always have been the nurturing type of person so I was super excited and ready to tell the world that I was pregnant and that I was gonna kill it as a mom. Until 2 months into my pregnancy I started to bleed😔 of course I rushed to the emergency room scared out of my mind. I saw the doctor they gave me a pregnancy test and yes it came up positive but there was no longer a heartbeat I was hurt and confused and ALONE.

I caught the bus home trying to hold back my tears the whole ride home, it’s when I saw my mom, she already could tell by my face that I suffered a miscarriage, she embraced me and I cried and cried and cried.

People kept telling me maybe your body wasn’t ready yet or they were saying “oh most women lose their baby their first pregnancy it’s very common Kiki you will be okay.” That advice kinda helped me cope. I accepted that fate and continued living my life.

Then again I was pregnant by the same guy about 2 years later once again I was excited but this time I kept it only between my mom and my boyfriend then once again around the same 2 months period I again miscarried. This time I felt it was my fault I was so worried about losing the baby I was so stressed because I was so scared I was going to lose the baby and I did. I blamed me 😔. I fell into depression, my best of friends were having their babies left and right and I had to be supportive even tho I envied their happiness because I wanted what they had so bad it killed me inside. Buying baby shower gifts for someone else when I was just pregnant was terrible. I continued to live my life as happy as I possibly could until my mom told me my sister was expecting I was happy for her but I wasn’t I hate to say it but I was jealous I didn’t understand why God would make me suffer like this. I became suicidal. I became depressed. I became dark inside.

When I experienced my last 2 miscarriages that was it for me I cried so hard in the emergency room when I lost my third baby it made the nurses cry. I didn’t feel like a woman I didn’t feel blessed I didn’t feel anything at all anymore. I gave up completely. I didn’t want to date, I didn’t want to go to any of my friends’ kids party, I didn’t even want to be there for my only sister when she was giving birth. After those last two miscarriages, I had to know why? Because after all of these miscarriages they had no medical explanation for them other than saying they were spontaneous miscarriages.

Years had passed and I eventually came out my depression I started loving myself again I started taking better care of my health. I started meditating, reading more and more importantly, I surrounded myself with nothing but positive things and people. I also slowed my life down, I took time for me and only me. After all the ups and downs I was pregnant for the 5th time. I wasn’t excited at all I was looking up abortion clinics because I figured I would hurt less if it was my decision to get rid of the baby than me going through this devastating feeling of loss again. But this time I felt different.

It was hard to get excited for the first two months, I knew I was gonna miscarry but I made it! I made it all the way to 3 months with no problems, I couldn’t believe it but I was still worried. I finally told my mom she was beyond excited she said, “ki this is the baby you’ve been waiting for, everything is gonna be fine.

I tried to keep that in mind but I kept telling myself don’t get your hopes up because you are not having this baby, it’s not meant for you to have a baby, you are always gonna be the favorite auntie and that’s it. At my 20 week appointment, I had my first ultrasound and baby trust and believe when I say that sound of her heartbeat could’ve woke the gods up, it was so strong, so healthy so loud, this was my daughter I was hearing. I slept with my ultrasound, I talked to it and everything. At 25 weeks I found out I was having a baby girl I cried again lol I went home and I prayed. I was so grateful I was sorry that I doubted God, I was so sorry that I doubted myself. But we made it all the way to term WITHOUT any complications and on August 30, 2017, I welcomed my first baby Tempress Johnson. She was 6lbs 4 ounces, that was the best day of my life.

To all the women who been where I’ve been or is still there NEVER give up on yourself, this is a fight worth fighting for and although you might lose that doesn’t mean the fight is over, you will win! Surround yourselves with love and people who genuinely want the best for you, be positive, take care of your mind and body first and trust me you will get that beautiful baby your hoping for ❤️❤️❤️

I hope my story inspires those who are hurt inside to stay hopeful, stay positive, and most of all stay strong 💪🏾❤️❤️”

Queenie Chatman was blessed with a set of twins after losing one at 34 weeks:

“September 21,2015 at exactly 34 weeks pregnant, I gave birth to my stillborn son Alexander

I went to the emergency room because I was having sharp pains and discharge. I was rushed to labor and delivery where the nurses prepared me for an ultrasound. When the nurse came in to check on my son, I noticed a look on her face. She looked scared, she then turns to me and said she will grab my doctor to come look at the ultrasound.

My doctor comes in and grabs the wand and add my jelly to my 34-week belly, he’s looking around moving the Device up and down, then he finally looks up at me and says “Ms.chatman, I am so sorry but Alex doesn’t have a heartbeat.”

[READ also: Grieving the son I lost at full-term: how I learned to live again]

I admittedly jumped up and ran to the bathroom, locked the door and fell to the ground screaming with fear, disbelief, and failure. Security had to unlock the door because I wouldn’t let anyone in.

After I calmed down I was rushed to have an emergency C section ( I was put to sleep)

When I finally woke up from the surgery, I was able to say Hello and goodbye to my first child. My sweet precious baby boy Alexander. I was able to keep him for a while. I talked to him, sang him a few songs and cuddled with him.

Time went by so fast, I was getting ready to leave the hospital. Leaving my son there and walking out of the hospital without my baby was and still is the worst feeling in the world. My life tumbled down to my feet. I felt as if I didn’t have a purpose. I lost all hope of being a mother. I thought it was my destiny to be childless.

2017, I found I was pregnant again. I was afraid that something would go completely wrong again. I waited a few weeks to confirm my pregnancy. The day I did, I received a huge surprise! Twins! That’s right, I was blessed with twins. I will be honest my whole pregnancy, I held my breath because of what happened to Alex.

[READ also: Moving on after the loss of a child – mom who lost one of her triplets at NICU shares her inspiring story (must read)]

March 25th, 2018. My boy-girl twins were born, at the same exact weeks, their big brother was born. 34 weeks!!! Now I have two very healthy 1-year-olds.

Never give up on what you want in life. You will go through very hard times but God, he gives you double for your trouble. Stay positive and speak life over yourself.

Mommy love and misses you sooooo much Alexander ❤️”

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